Send me 2.5 Steem and I will name your pet!
Please send either a photo of your pet (or a 1000 word essay) plus a description of their favorite toy or pastime.
If it’s a brand new, un-named animal that you haven’t gotten to know yet, especially an older one, then please substitute a Kurlian photo (or a certified letter from an animal psychic) so that I can get a sense of your pet’s aura before naming it.
I have been naming pets for the last 167 years (including past lives) and let me tell you that the NUMBER 1 mistake that people make when naming their pet is naming it based on its physical appearance. Nothing will cause your pet to be more shallow than basing its entire identity on something as superficial as the existence or absence of spots. Or stripes. You may as well name your first child, “Legged.”
But don’t take my word for it. Here are some testimonials from some of my satisfied customers:
Blair from Wichita says:
“We were disappointed that our new kitten, Grace, was severely wounding and maiming lizards in our San Bernardino home. We went to Sidekick Matt who recommended changing her name to Huntress. Now she kills and eats lizards humanely instead of just playing with them until they are broken and releasing them back into the wild.”
Simone from Chandler, Arizona says:
I wasn’t sure what to name my new service dog when I first brought her home to Toledo, Ohio. I sent for a professional, Sidekick Matt, right away and within minutes was given the name, “Emotional Support Dogs are Not Real Service Dogs You Pampered Ninny.” I call her Pampers for short.
Gene from Austin says:
I named my dogs Lokai and Bele, after the Star Trek episode, “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield,” the one where the two aliens with half their faces white and the other half black are at war with each other forever. But they never seemed to really prosper. Sidekick Matt recommended changing Lokai’s name to Phantom, as he seemed to have a bent for musicals and hated my “stupid, sci-fi nerd stuff.” Ever since then both my boys have been much happier. Also, I live in Raleigh, North Carolina.
(All photos are from Dreamstime LLC)